


just ignoring all our history

by requiemzoe



Category: Descendants (2015)
Genre: F/F, Halloween parties, evie can be a bitch, mal has a panic attack in ben's bathroom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 07:32:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11595873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/requiemzoe/pseuds/requiemzoe
Summary: mal's kinda-maybe girlfriend kinda ditches her, and mal can't help but lock herself in the bathroom.(songfic - michael in the bathroom from be more chill)





	just ignoring all our history

" _evie,_ " 

"mal." evie says, a warning, a clipped, curt word. normally, mal would've listened, but she had to tell her girl that they have to go home now. she's gonna have a panic attack, she can feel it coming on now. 

"we- i-i can't, i have to, we have t-to,"

"okay, you know what, mal? i have a boy waiting for me out there, and if you're not gonna tell me anything-"

"e!"

" _what_ , mal?!"

 _i don't know anyone here. i want to go home. hug me. kiss me. do something._ there's a million things that mal wants to say, but can't- her mouth feels like it's been glued shut. 

then, as if on cue, the boy walks in- some dude who's voice sounds attractive, but mal can't bring herself to turn to look at him. she just focuses on evie, who's eyes flicker to her and to the boy who might be speaking, mal can't even tell. everything sounds like she's underwater, a thousand feet down.

"get out of my way," evie sneers, venom lacing her voice in a tone she's never used with mal. mal tries to tell herself it's the alcohol, because the logical side of her is screaming that, but the emotional side of her believes everything she's saying. " _loser._ " evie almost scoffs, bumping into her on the way out and slamming the door, so mal is left sitting on the side of ben's too-nice bathtub. 

and that's all it takes for her to start crying immediately. she's a creeper in the bathroom at the biggest party of the fall, just like the ones that her and evie joked about before they came. she doesn't know anyone here, and there's nothing she can do but wait it out.

a thought emerges in her cloudy mind, and she turns it over in her mind. "i could stay right here, or disappear, and nobody would even notice at all." she mumbles, picking at a thread on her ripped black jeans. her only friend left her. she's never been on the receiving end. 

someone knocks, and her heart leaps at the possibility it might be evie, wiping her tears quickly.

it's not, though. it's audrey, with her too-regal tone, "some of us have to pee, y'know!"

mal comes up with a quick excuse. "i'm having my period!"

there's a pause. "take your time, honey, i'll use the other one."

she barely hears her, too lost in her tears. she picks at grout on the side of the tub as she chokes back tears, then realizes- what is she holding them back for? so evie won't see? fat chance, she's her ride home.

so she lets them go. fat, ugly tears roll down her cheeks. everything felt better when she was half of a pair, she thinks, softly grieving the friend (maybe girlfriend) she's just lost. it's not mal and evie anymore. it's just mal- mal, flying solo. 

she's hiding, and trying her best to curl into herself and trying to disappear, but evie's just out there, ignoring all their history. who does that? she thinks, and right on cue, an angelic voice rings through the door. it's evie, but she's not saying "mal, come out, baby, it's okay,". she's belting out a whitney song, boldly singing along- " _i wanna dance with somebody!_ "

"i could've been that somebody," mal mumbles, even though she knows she won't hear her. she moves to sit on the cold tile floor and hug her knees, taking her usual panic attack position and waiting it out as she usually does.

tears stream down her cheeks, and she can feel her makeup messing up, but can't bring herself to care. _just mal. just mal. just mal. mal, flying solo, such a loser._ evie's voice echoes in her ears, cold and sneering and sounding all too much like her mother.

her sobs are getting more wracking now, and her throat feels like it's closing, and she feels like she's dying but she can't adjust her position to get more air. she's not sure she can move at all, actually. she half regrets the beers as she hiccups, the taste just reminding her of how evie's lips tasted just an hour ago, when she had only had one drink.

she vaguely registers someone knocking, and she starts ranting quietly, sure no one would be able to understand her even if they did hear her. she's not even sure she understands what she's mumbling angrily into her jeans as she hugs her knees.

_knock, knock, knock, knock,_

_they're gonna start to shout soon,_ she thinks.

_knock, knock, knock, knock,_

"aw, hell yeah, i'll be out soon!" she yells, all too cheerily, to the person on the other side of the door knocking. it scares her how... okay she sounds.

_knock, knock, knock, knock,_

"sucks you left me here alone, e. here in this hellish teenage battlezone." she dryly chuckles, as dryly as she can when there's tears and snot all over her face. she wads up some toilet paper to wipe it off.

 _clang, clang, clang, clang,_ goes the doorknob, sounding like something is being hit against it. mal ignores it and digs her fingernails into her wrists.

she can feel the pressure building up in her throat, and she knows the dam will bust soon and she'll cry out.

_bang, bang, bang, bang-_

her biggest mistake was showing up, she thinks, before letting out a strangled cry that sounds like an "ah!"

she abruptly stands up and jerkily walks over to the sink, joints cracking and avoiding her reflection.

_splash, splash, splash, splash!_

she throws some water in her face, putting a handful in her mouth before spitting it out angrily at her reflection. it's clearer than ever now- she's just mal. just like she deserves to be- alone. she moves to open up the door after salvaging what she can of her makeup, but hesitates.

there's no one knocking anymore.

and she can't help but wish that evie was knocking, can't help but yearn for a different time- when evie would've been in here with her, soothing voice talking her through it. instead, she looks in the mirror again. there's no denying, she's just-

an unexpected, choked sob tears through her, taking her by surprise and not letting her finish her thought. (maybe it's for the best.)

-at a party.

 _is there a sadder sight_ , she thinks pitifully to herself as she wipes her tears and watches herself cry in the mirror for what feels like hours. she's just mal, crying in the bathroom. this is a heinous night, and not the good kind of heinous. 

she finds herself wishing she had stayed at their dorm, in bed, probably watching porn on her laptop and furiously rubbing off to it while evie was gone. no- scratch that- she wishes she would've offed herself instead when she had the chance, last week, when she got her sleeping meds and she was so sad she was ready to take them all. she wishes that she were never born.

"just mal," she repeats to herself again, voice cracking and raspy from her crying. "god, she's such a _loser!_ " she practically yells at her reflection, running her hands through purple hair maybe a little too violently and tearing out some. 

she opens up the door once she has everything somewhat under control and gets a text from evie:

"hey mal baby meeet me b y the dopr ok ?? ill b the re in t5"

she rolls her eyes, striding up to ben and smiling sweetly at him. _all you know about me is my name,_ she thinks as he asks how she liked the party.

"awesome party. i'm _so_ glad i came."

**Author's Note:**

> its four am i havent proofread this leave comments and shit please


End file.
